In short, parent education will be the single most important thing you do in terms of your overall studio set-up. Wanna get parents on board and engaged from the beginning? Here’s how! Given that we are so focused upon the student’s orientation, this step is often overlooked. As I progress through this article, I’ll continue to remind you that:
well-trained parents = well-trained students
Now, this statement is not meant to show any disrespect towards the parent’s current knowledge or ability to parent. It’s actually quite the opposite. That fact that you want to be completely up front with your expectations right from the beginning and involve them in the process means that you hold them in the highest regard and that you respect them as the practice partner they will become. You are showing them that you see them as an equal in this endeavor and together you have the potential to create something greater than what would be possible alone.
Let’s face it, we are NOT the child’s parent, no matter how nurturing. We could never have the influence that a parent has the other 5 days of the week when we don’t see them. With that said, it means that we all have a very important role to play: one as the teacher, another as the parent, and the other as the student. All of us must work together as a team to create the appropriate type of environment that inspires and engages the student in the learning process. In the Suzuki philosophy we like to refer to this as the Suzuki triangle; each side representing a person and their role. These roles of course shift over time as the student get’s a bit older and naturally starts to take on more responsibility, but the importance of each person’s purpose on this journey remains constant–each side of the triangle supporting the other.
In general, if everything is working as it should, and you’ve laid the groundwork from the beginning, it should actually make your job easier as the teacher. Of course, we are trained professionals, and have the experience to make necessary adjustments along the way when needed. The student, in actuality has the easiest part to play, they have to be willing to learn and follow the leader. The parent, on the other hand, has the toughest job. I’ll say that again. They not only have to be a parent 24/7 days a week, but now they are going to venture into being a practice partner, most often on an instrument they have never played. Many of them don’t know how to read music themselves, and are enrolling their children in lessons not just to enrich their child’s life, but also so they do not suffer the same fate of being a musically illiterate adult.
When it comes to music education, what a disadvantage we put our poor parents in when you think about it!
We’re asking them to not only schedule the lesson, buy or rent the instrument, plan the practicing at home, but also be a support in something that they feel ill-equipped to handle. No wonder frustration sets in when it is introduced this way. It’s so much easier to just drop their child off, pick them up, and hope whatever they learned in the half hour sticks long enough for the kids to gain some basic skills at the instrument. Where’s the logic in that? So if we put a plant in the ground and never water it and never feed it, how can we expect it to bloom? We all know that it takes much more time and effort to get to a place where you actually enjoy playing. And we only enjoy what we do well. That is the number one reason why someone sticks with something even if it’s challenging. If we don’t feel we are making any progress, then why bother?
Hopefully, the importance of providing the parents with the right tools is becoming apparent. How can they support the child’s practice if they have no idea what went on in the lesson? How can we expect a child of 7 to follow through with the assignments? (You might be saying, “Well they can read the child’s notebook. I put very clear instructions there.”) Well, I can tell you from having the experience of training many parents in both my private studio and school setting, that even after years of training, parents still have trouble taking notes or deciphering the teacher’s notes, and then there is usually a “he said/she said” argument that ensues between the parent and the child. I’m amazed how many new “musical” parents, when asked to take notes in the beginning, actually miss the main point of the lesson entirely because they are focused on the one thing they noticed their child was doing or not doing. So reading the lesson notebook is kind-of like asking the parent (who wasn’t in the lesson) to decipher a foreign language. You might be thinking, “Well that’s why I keep it simple–I just write page numbers and piece titles and a clear directive.” Well, that’s going to the other extreme, but it also leaves a lot to chance. What’s more it only depicts the material covered, not how it was covered, or what we wanted the student to do with it or how to specifically practice a spot or section.
Parents really need to be in the lessons and see and hear for themselves what was happening to know what was important.
This needs to start even before lessons begin. Regardless of the teaching method, I highly recommend having new parents and students observe at least two lessons before starting. That way they get to see you in action, and get a feel for how lessons usually proceed in your studio. In my department at WCMS, and also in my home studio, I require one observation of a private lesson, and one observation of a group class. (If I am not running a group class, then I still recommend having them observe two students of varying levels, or two consecutive lessons with the same student. This will enable the parent to glean much more information regarding the progression made from week to week and the expectations you set up for your students.
I start by putting this right in my welcome letter. I explain why it’s important and what it’s all about. I also let them know that enrolling with me and within the department is going to be a process, and throughout this process I will be there to support them. Although some parents my balk at the steps initially, they begin to really appreciate the care I am taking to set them up for success, and it is in that moment, that they become your greatest ally. I’ve never had a parent yet get to the end of parent orientation and say, “Wow that was a complete waste of time.” Usually, it’s the exact opposite. They’ve really experienced what is involved now, and they realize the need to know more. Remember the mantra earlier?….
well-trained parents = well-trained students
This new relationship will need constant nurturing, just as the student needs constant support. So after the observations are completed, the conversation continues into the next steps of parent orientation. This is not only to provide them with practice solutions and pedagogical strategies for practicing, but also to allow them to experience the challenges first hand, and a chance for you both to really get on the same page philosophy-wise. Essentially, kids from the earliest age, learn to imitate the adults around them. This is how they learn best; by doing. All educators are aware of this. They imitate the way adults talk, the way they move, their mannerisms, etc. (Which can be both hilarious sometimes and endearing when you catch them doing something they’ve seen someone else do!) If the parent actually plays an instrument, they’ll emulate their sound, how they sit or hold their instrument, and may even emulate some of their bad habits. So children are naturally watching and absorbing everything they experience from birth, and who do they experience the most? Their parents. They want to be their parents. (at least in the beginning. LoL. Later when they are teens, its another story…) So why wouldn’t you want the person with the most influence on your team?? The person who knows that child the best? What’s even more important, and perhaps hidden from view (at least at first) is the fact that whatever is important to the parent is going to be important to the child. That is why, when the parent’s interest wanes after a few months of lessons, all of a sudden the child’s motivation falls off as well. The parents stop checking in as much. It becomes a routine where they may ask the child if they practice, but then there is no follow through or accountability. Pretty soon that child doesn’t see the importance in the task at hand anymore, and they may eventually stop playing, all the while chalking it up to the fact that they just weren’t talented enough, or couldn’t be disciplined enough to practice. Sound familiar? Of course it does. Anyone who has taught lessons for a time has experienced this, but both of these statements couldn’t be more false. The student and the parent had all of the potential in the world, but everything new must be trained. I don’t know why we tend to forget this when it comes to advocations like music. We are so careful to train our kindergarten students to enter, place their coats and bags in their cubbies, sit down at their desks, to raise their hands, to not speak when the teacher is speaking, to write the date and their name at the top of every paper before passing it in…etc…these seem like menial, standard tasks that are involved when attending school, so why wouldn’t music be any different? Why would the one-on-one piano lesson be any different? There is certain behavior expected at the lesson that is conducive to learning and it must be trained from the beginning, not just how to play the instrument. And just like school work, it needs to be trained, tested, refined and expected every time the student appears at the lesson. That second part, is what makes the difference. The parents see you doing this by example, and will take note of the importance of follow through. Remember….
Well-trained parents = Well-trained students
Now that everyone is on the same page in terms of roles, expectations, and philosophy; the actual lessons begin, but NOT with the student…..with the parent! My students come twice a week, so I recommend that the parent come to both sessions (one private and one group class) for the first 4-6 weeks. I’ll be giving a workshop soon on what I cover in detail during these sessions, but during that time, they are not only learning the first few songs of the book, but the approach you will be taking toward the child’s learning. Their role will be defined as the practice partner at home, and they will be experiencing what the child will be experiencing in those early lessons first hand, but with some discussion. Likewise, group class parent sessions are usually less skill based and focused more on teaching philosophy and music education theory. It allows ample time for parents to ask questions and get clarification on things that pertain to the private lesson material, or set-up at home.
Overall, this is not meant to be a full blown course on music education for the parent. It’s more of a preview of coming attractions…a jump start. You are giving them the tools they are going to need to be successful in practicing at home with their child. You are giving them the opportunity to be engaged and invested in the process which will ensure follow through. Lastly, you are giving them the encouragement they need to make this an extraordinary experience that they can share with their child. The chance to shape a truly artistic musical being with a noble heart!
You’ve probably heard it many times. The old axiom, “you must get people to buy into” the benefits you are providing, not just your services. You need to prove to them that it is essential, and worthy of their time and effort, and money. They need to understand why it’s important and how it will benefit them and their child. When new students and parents arrive on our doorstep, they are are not just looking for lessons. In most cases, they have already been shopping around, and they are choosing to study with YOU because of of X, Y, and Z. We can’t overlook this second part. They are buying into YOUR personal approach to teaching, your philosophy, your personality, your availability, your approachability, the feeling they get when they walk through the door, their first impressions, etc…….So how you present all of this matters much more then your schedule, the convenience factor, and the fee you charge. Those may be what attract then initially, it certainly isn’t what keeps them coming back.
Another aspect that is important at the beginning of this process, is to have some agreement of this in writing. I’ve stated this in my earlier articles regarding studio set-up. It doesn’t have to be overly formal, just to the point, and have them sign it as well as the student. Now, there really can be no argument on what was agreed upon.
So you have an amazing opportunity here!!
Tell them all about how you approach music, get them on board, train them, inspire them, help then to understand why it’s important. And then tell them, again, again, and again. The communication is an on-going process and doesn’t just stop after the initial parent orientation ends. Besides phone calls and e-mails, you could send a weekly newsletter, you could continue to have mini-lessons with the parent during the child’s lesson; especially if the child is learning a new concept or technique. You can send them videos to review of something short and specific. You can get parents together occasionally for a coffee chat, or you can have a formal evaluation or parent-teacher conference at the end of semesters. You can do one or all of these, but the point is, is that the educating and the conversation is constantly evolving and never stops. What’s more is that parents will appreciate YOU and what you do much, much more, and will thank you for taking the time.
The role of the parent is ever-changing, and excluding the fact that the teacher has to do all the training in the beginning, the parents have the real heavy lifting. They are responsible for the set-up at home, they are responsible for taking notes during the lesson, for organizing the practice schedule and the order things are practice in (making a review chart), they are responsible for setting up a listening schedule (if your students. are listening to recordings, this is a must), and beyond all of this, they are sitting with them supervising the practice, and helping to support the process. They provide positive and constructive feedback, as well as the organizational skills and the problem solving skills that their child has yet to master. So the more you can help them with this and not just train them how to read notes or play the instrument, the better. Let’s face it, we all need help organizing, and goal setting sometimes, and the parents are the number one daily example of this. One benefit for us having gone through a parent orientation cycle, is that we’re able to get a sense of how the parent is at managing these types of skills themselves. If the parent is having difficulty with being on time, being organized, or keeping their focus and following through on a project, then it will be hard to expect the child to acquire those traits that are so often equated with successful students, naturally from their parents. It’s helpful to know this in advance, so you can head it off in the beginning and help the parent as well as the student toward these goals. Helping students and parents learn to overcome challenges that they will face, will be your number one job if you want them to be successful, and that’s the hard part about being a teacher. We’re not just teaching skills, but a perspective on how to approach life; we are the artist mentor, the referee, the life-coach, and the counselor all rolled into one. It can be both daunting and overwhelming, even on a good day when everything is going well.
As I’ve said before, there is no quick fix. Just because you do all of this with your parents and set it up correctly, doesn’t mean you won’t face challenges. They are going to happen. But challenges aren’t always bad. It’s ok to disagree and sometimes you’ll have to say, “No, I’m sorry that isn’t going to work for me.” These concepts in general seem to get a bad rap, but sometimes they make us re-think a situation in a new way. If there is no struggle, then there is no opportunity to gain knowledge. The only difference here is, is that you’ve laid the groundwork for a healthy relationship of understanding with your parents, it allows you to work through these challenges together because all parties are committed to the process. This relationship requires constant “gardening” and attention, but it is well worth the efforts when it prevents miscommunications from happening and provides a tool to overcome future obstacles.
Some other hidden benefits I’ve witnessed from more parent engagement is the sense of pride, accountability, and ownership of the process for both the parent and the student. They know when they’ve done well, and you can see the confidence it builds. I have had some teachers complain that students don’t want the parent in the lesson. To that, I usually respond with, “Well, they will learn to expect whatever it is that you set up from the beginning.” I’ve found that most students respond well to their parent’s active involvement and encouragement. Children naturally want to please their parents. As teachers, we provide the buffer in between, and make adjustments in parental involvement as the student progresses. It sometimes depends on the personality of the child, but knowing that they are supported by whatever set-up you have in place makes them most comfortable. For the parents, who perhaps started an instrument and stopped, this is their second chance to experience music learning themselves in helping their child in a stress free, safe environment. Many of the parents begin to become amateur musicians themselves, and are happy to join in music theory games, duet playing, and chamber music.
Happy Well-Trained Parents = Happy Well-Trained Students
Here’s another truism from Natural Science or Chemistry. Like attracts Like. This is the same with your best students and parents. They will attract other families that are looking for lessons who value what you are offering, and pretty soon, you have a whole studio of students that are not only successful, but excelling. What’s more, ability breeds even more confidence and even more enjoyment in what they are accomplishing with their art. That’s what it’s all about right? I think that is our main purpose as a teacher. To lead students to a place where they can have freedom of expression and joy through the art of music making.
Remember the movie Mr. Holland’s Opus? I actually remember where I was and what I was doing the year that I saw that film. I was a piano performance major in undergraduate school. The movie is a simple story of a music teacher’s journey. He starts out as a gigging artist trying to earn his own acclaim and become a composer on the side, and agonizes that in order to pay the bills, he has to begrudgingly take a “teaching job.” We all know that in the end, he finds something much more valuable. It wasn’t that he became a world famous composer or artist, but that he was loved for the experiences he created for others in his classroom; the importance of leading his students to a love of music.
We have the ability to create this environment that ensures the longevity and importance of this music education experience by involving the parents.
I’ve seen it in action on a small scale, but also on a large scale in other countries. Think about the generations a good teacher inspires in their lifetime, and then multiply it to their children, and their children’s children. What a beautiful and everlasting gift that truly has the ability to change people’s lives for the better! I would like to fight for that world to become a reality.
